Finding Balance

This blog was called The Juggling Act for a reason, because as a working Mom, you really have to find a way to have balance in your life in order to have a successful career, a good marriage and well-adjusted children.  I'm not saying I do it right, matter a fact, I question whether I'm succeeding most of the time.  What I've learned is that too much of a good thing, is never good.

I do have a successful career and I can honestly say, I love my job.  Part of my job is community involvement and I have several organizations that I am actively involved with which adds time away from the home to my calendar.  If you're not careful, the events and meetings you have to go to can get out of control and the next thing you know you have lost your balance.

Here's what I mean. . .in order to be good at my job, I have to feel like I'm a good mother, in order to be a good mother, I need to feel like I'm doing good at my job.  Get it, probably not, I don't always get it.  When I let my job consume my time, it takes away from my children and then I start to not feel good about myself and then nothing works right. At that point, I'm not the best I can be.  If I'm not careful, I can spend so much time doing family stuff that my time away from the office causes my work to suffer.  The unfortunate reality is that most of the time, it's our family that suffers not our work.  This is usually my case. 

A few months ago, I had been super busy with evening meetings and early meetings, basically meetings that crept into family time.  I just let it get out of control.  I was home with Aiden one day and totally exhausted.  My son said to me, "mama, why don't you smile anymore?"  My heart instantly broke and I knew something had to give.  I wasn't in a bad mood.  I was just exhausted and I realized my family was getting the leftover parts of me.   I took a hard long look at my calendar, prioritizing and even checking my motivation.  First, was it important that I be there or could someone else attend in my place.  I didn't have to do everything.  Second, was I going to these meetings because it was important to my work or because I love to socialize and I didn't want to miss out on anything. 

I feel like I have finally found my groove and you can not image how much better I feel about everything.  I have a sense of peace.  I can't be success at work, when I feel my children are missing out.  I still love my job and still want a successful career but when I don't feel like I'm being the best possible Mom, there's no way I can concentrate enough to be the best manager.  Hence, balance.  I know how hard it is to say, "no I can't make it tonight" or "can I send someone else?" but I also know how hard it is to live with the guilt of telling a little one you won't see them before bedtime again.  I chose balance because even good things in excess aren't good.  To much cake can be bad, to much food can be bad, and too much time away from family is really bad.   I think I could write a whole other blog on this topic.  This is what I think God meant when he said we must keep the Sabbath.

My Babies Aren't Babies Anymore

As you already know the boys were visiting family this past week.  I took this opportunity to do some organizing and cleaning of their room and their toys.  It's really hard to throw toys away when their around so I decided to avoid the drama and do it when they were gone.  Little did I know, I would have my own internal drama.

I started with the stuffed animals. . .we had tons of them.  A whole corner in their bedroom was dedicated to stuffed animals that never get touched.  Actually, Noah's the one who sleeps with stuffed animals, Aiden does very seldom. We have our Rudolph from Christmas, our Woody doll and Bob and Larry from Veggietales, these are the friends that sleep with Noah and he used to sleep with a small soft blue blanket.  I kept looking at that corner of stuffed animals piles high and thought, "it's time to get rid of some these." 

Little did I know how hard it was going to be to pick out the age appropriate dolls to keep and the ones to giveaway.  I knew I needed to give away the "baby" stuffed animals but my heart broke because this meant my boys weren't considered "babies" anymore.  I even  picked up the blanket at one point and held it to my face almost in tears. . .big mistake, little boys leave funny odors. 

I know each phase of your children's lives come with it's own rewards, therefore, my mind knows that the next phase is going to be special but my heart sometimes has a hard time letting go.  I did the right thing, I gave away the stuffed animals that were meant for infants, however, I did keep a few that I knew were special to them.  I put them away in my storage box to give to them someday and of course, I washed the little blue blanket and kept it.  When they returned home, as expected, they never noticed the missing stuffed animals.  I suppose we can't get cluttered down with what we don't need, we need to make room for the new blessings God will give us.

Reunited At Last

On my last blog I wrote about how the boys were going to visit family in Arkansas.  What I left out was how terribily my husband and I missed these little fellas.  Boy, was our house quiet.  It was terrible. 

Steve and both felt like it was Christmas on Monday because it was the day we were picking them back up.  My sister-in-law was meeting me half way.  This was honestly, the most excited I have been about anything in a long time.   I couldn't get there soon enough.

When I finally got to them, it was all I'd hoped it would be . . . those sweet boys came running in to my arms and Aiden wouldn't let go, while Noah was smiling ear to ear kept telling me how much he loved me and how happy he was.  Music to a mama's ears. 

Mama's Boy

Aiden is growing up and that is really hard on me.  I'm really have a tough time letting go.  I know, he's only six, so your thinking, "what do you have to let go of?"  It's him being a Mama's boy!  I love being the center of his world. . .I need it!  You see, when he was a Mama's boy, I knew I was doing something right.
I work a lot.  If I'm not careful it's easy to look up one day and realize I have not spent enough with my kids or they got the "left-over" parts of me, when I was tired and run down.  So, when your six year old starts transforming from a Mama's boy to a Daddy's boy, I can't help but wonder was it my fault.  Did I not give him enough time, did I not play enough, was I gone to much etc.?  You know the drill, how we Moms can blame ourselves for every little thing I children do.  My mind knows that he is growing up and doesn't need the nuturing a Mama gives, but my heart still longs for my little boy who couldn't get through a day without cuddling up in my arms. 

Reality is he has to grow up and when he's going through the next phase it will also feel bitter sweet.  In the meantime, I am going to do all I can to be intentional about our time together.  I don't want to look up and have missed one precious moment with this little guy.  No matter how big, Aiden will always be my baby.

Boo Hoo!

It's been awhile since I've posted and I apologize.  That's part of the juggling act. . . having time to do it all.

This week both boys are in Arkansas visiting family.  You'd think we'd be busy eating dinner out, going to the movies, relaxing but the truth is, boy, is it quiet around the house without them.  When their here it's mama, mama, mama, mama, sometimes I wish my name wasn't mama.  This week, I can't wait to here, mama.

I asked Steve, "what did we do before we had children".  Truth is, I can't imagine our lives before these sweet boys. I can't imagine we ever had this quiet a life and didn't get bored out of our minds.

Visiting family is good for them and for us.  It truely makes us appreciate what we normally call chaos.